What would you tell people in this situation?

A woman is involved in the big friends program and befriends a little girl. She is the daughter of a single man. The man and the woman fall in love and get married. NOW the woman is the little girl's stepmother. They have a great relationship and the stepdaughter respects her stepmother but the stepmother's parents are always telling her you need to be a parent not a friend and so do her other friends. Now if you were the stepmother in that situation what would u tell the people criticizing you